I’m going crazy, not in the fun way and could use some advice, opinions, prayers, any input at all.
My sister Sarah and her boyfriend Johnny wanted to buy a van from our grandparents for $1000. Everyone was worried that they wouldn’t be able to afford it, but they insisted that they had worked out a budget and it wouldn’t be a problem, so grandma finally gave in a few weeks ago. Last week Sarah said she wanted to borrow $500 from our mom. Mom is currently still recovering from being sick and having the trech tube and is being kept partially sedated and since she’s been in the hospital for the last several months her social security money should have been going into her checking account which I have access to through her paypal account and had been using to pay for her storage shed which is why Sarah asked me about borrowing the money from mom, Sarah has mom’s debit card, but had lost it. I agreed, do I honestly think Sarah will ever pay it back, not really, she still hasn’t paid back money she borrowed from mom a year ago, but mom should have had at least $2400 to $3000 and probably won’t recover to the point of wanting to buy anything anytime soon, even if she did there’d still be plenty of money left, so I gave in and agreed.
Then later the same day Sarah said she wanted to borrow $1000, I told her that seemed like a lot, but there was no convincing her she couldn’t and she started talking about finding mom’s debit card. My other sister Dawn and I were both worried that if Sarah found mom’s debit card and had access to her money she’d take all of it and then Dawn and I would be stuck paying for mom’s shed out of our student loans, so I moved $1000 into paypal, planning on giving Sarah the $500 she had originally asked for and saving the rest for the shed. I told Sarah that I had the money in paypal and could transfer it to her as soon as she set up a paypal account. The next day she called to tell me that she had found mom’s debit card and tried to take $1000 out of her account but couldn’t because the account had a negative $500 balance, she never explained why she would have tried to take out $1000 when she already thought she was getting the $1000 from me.
At that point I thought, okay perfect and legitimate excuse to only let her have $500, I told her we couldn’t spend the other $500 until we found out why mom’s social security hadn’t been going into her checking account incase it had to be paid back, but Sarah continued to demand that I give her the full $1000. Than she started claiming that she had visited mom at the nursing home and mom had said she could borrow it. Dawn actually laughed when I told what Sarah had said because we both know mom well enough to know she wouldn’t let anyone borrow that much money, she probably wouldn’t even agree to $100 and if she really did agree to that it was only because she’s being kept semi sedated, every time we’ve gone to visit her she asks where she is and has no idea she’s been moved to a different nursing home.
Well Sarah got her paypal account set up today and demanded that I send her the full $1000, no amount of explaining could convince her she couldn’t have it. She insisted she had to have it to pay her rent and buy food from the vending machines at school because that’s the only way she eats when she’s at school. Apparently it would be too hard to pick up snacks at Krogers (which they have to drive past to get to the school) where they’d probably cost at least half as much and just carry them in her bag like Dawn and I do. She also mentioned several days ago that she constantly eats at McDonalds because it’s just takes too long to eat at home and I’ve been with her when she’s gone to McDonalds before, she doesn’t just get a couple things off of the dollar menu like we did when we lived with mom, she gets the big expensive meals. She’s also constantly telling me about movies they’ve gone to see in the theater and then the van she said they’re using everyday so they have to pay for the gas, even when it’s nice out and she could still be biking or walking. And even though the van is in Johnny’s name (Sarah paid for it though) and he’s the only one with a drivers license Sarah is paying for all the gas.
When I only sent the $500 Johnny called me and started demanding that I send her the other $500 and I told him the same thing, we have to find out why mom’s social security wasn’t going into her checking account before we touch it. He just started insisting that her social security for next month would cover it because ‘he knows how these things work because his mom had social security’ even though clearly it hasn’t all been going in there or it never would have been over drawn in the first place. Even with taking money out for the shed there should have been at least another $1000 in there after I took out the $1000. So either the social security wasn’t going in or Sarah had been using mom’s debit card to take out money at some point in the last few months.
Now Dawn and I are talking about finding out how to get one of us financial power of attorney so we can make sure Sarah isn’t taking mom’s money if anymore goes into her checking account, it may not now that she’s back in a nursing home, we know that will just piss Sarah off, but someone has to do what’s best for mom and Sarah has to learn how to manage her money and stop wasting it on things she doesn’t need. She get’s a little more than I do in her overage check from her financial aid because of having an extra loan through our mom that I was too old to get, she pays $50 a month less rent than I do and all of her utilities are included, plus she’s working 15 hours week and yet living solely on my overage money I’ve never had less than $500 in my savings account and she’s always out of money within about a month of getting her overage check.
How do you nicely tell someone, who has been suicidal in the past, they need to learn how to manage their money and learn the difference between wants and needs?
Do you think I’m handling the situation right or should have done something differently?
I just feel so confused about how to handle this. Normally when I really need advice I’d go to my mom, but right now with her sedated and not able to talk yet because of the trech tube I just feel so alone with no one to turn to or talk to. I just want a hug and a shoulder to cry on.
Listening to: Lockdown’s play list, of course I’m no
Reading: The Covenant of Primus
Watching: Lockdown’s sexy backside, okay maybe I am ob